Home » Humor » You Know You’re A Writer When…

You Know You’re A Writer When…

You Know You're a Writer When...…you’ve spent the last forty minutes reading about the fire resistance of normal bedding to see if your character can use it to escape a burning building.

…you can’t remember the last thought you had that wasn’t immediately followed by “that would be a great line for X”.

…you’ve written the same line sixteen times because you can’t work out what the next one should be.

…you’re hoping that the seventeenth iteration will fire up the neurons.

…you get excited glancing at your word count because you’ve finished the day on a round number/just passed the exact half-way mark in your novel/realised your daily word count has been 666 for the last three days running and you’re considering calling in an exorcist.

…you see your total word count as a high score.

…you’ve just spotted that you’ve used the same sentence at least twenty times in your first draft.

…you name a walk-on character after the first thing on your right so as not to break your flow.

…you know you’ll change that name later so it won’t matter.

…you don’t change it because it has an exotic sound to it that fits the character.

…you start researching foreign languages because Mr Toaster sounds a bit weird but Monsieur le Grille-Pain could be a secret agent.

…your wife/girlfriend demands to know who “Alyssa” and “Victoria” are.

…you go back and check every word in the list to make sure it’s correctly spelled.

…you know someone will spot the one word you missed and it’ll really bug you.

…your first 250 words come so slow it’s like watching paint dry but the next 1000 pass in seconds.

…you still pause briefly to consider if “Who” actually begins with a “H”.

…you analyse every situation you encounter with “what would X do if they were here now?”

…your first action upon witnessing something horrific/funny/terrifying/weird is to reach for a notebook and pen.

…you spend hours editing descriptions of murder victims so that they don’t sound too much like that aunt everyone hates but would be instantly recognised by that mole on her face.

…you can recall the dates of your characters’ birthdays more readily than those of family members.

…you threaten unspeakable evil when you discover someone else has used your intended book cover.

…you’re only leaving the house for twenty minutes but your bag still contains a pen (plus one spare because, well, you never know), a pencil (in case both pens run out of ink), a pencil sharpener (in case the pencil breaks), a notebook, and a spare notebook (in case of aliens).

…despite carrying all of the above, you record all the ideas you get on that note-taking app you have on your phone.

…you struggle with dialogue when sitting down to write but the instant your head hits the pillow, you’re suddenly Martin Luther King Jr.

…the realisation hits that nothing you make up is crazier than the world outside of your head.

…you compose stupid lists like this instead of actually writing.


Lets keep this going by adding your own in the comments.

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15 thoughts on “You Know You’re A Writer When…

  1. @Dan Antion, and all are eerily accurate 🙂 So, yes, apparently I am a writer after all. Well done, Chris. In light of the last element on your list, I will decline the option to add to it, and actually head off to write. Suddenly, I feel inspired, being a real writer and all 🙂

  2. …if your spouse expresses grave concern over your list of ways someone could die in a household accident. Just sayin

  3. . . .when I’m stuck because the first sentence feels wrong. Man, I’ve been stuck for two weeks because I can’t get the first word right. I need to set the mood and the pace. The first line usually does that for me, but so far I’m blank.

    • Just keep writing, Peter. The first word/sentence/paragraph will sort itself out in the edit. I’ve lost count of the number of times I’ve deleted my whole first paragraph during subsequent edits.

  4. Dan Antion sent me. This one: “you still pause briefly to consider if “Who” actually begins with a “H”” is actually showing you are dyslexic — I am and this is a daily struggle!

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