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BDSM in the Writer’s Mind

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After watching Chris dig his belongings out of the dumpster and haul them up four flights of stairs, I wondered how sadistic we, the muses, could possibly be. I’m teasing, he only had to haul it up two flights.

But the mention of sadism reminds me…I wanted to clarify my post on BDSM from two weeks ago. Some of you were left wondering what in the heck I was talking about and how it related to writing.

It was a clarification post. With all of the hoopla surrounding *cough* The-Book-That-Shall-Not-Be-Named, I felt it necessary as an author of erotic romance to clarify the common misconceptions about BDSM, since I just attended a workshop and got a crash course in it myself. I did so because I write stories incorporating softer elements of the lifestyle in my stories. Why? Because they intrigue me and because I can.

Jen, what does BDSM have to do with writing in general? I mean we all know why YOU like it. *giggles hush at the piercing glare I send at the peanut gallery that is my writing group*

So in defense of my fascination…I would like to share the connections I’ve made in my writer brain using the acronym itself and how it merges with a writer.

Bondage and Discipline

Domination and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

Alright, let me break it down. I’ve realized that as a writer, all of these terms are keys to my writing. I’m not talking about it in the context of the lifestyle anymore. I’m turning these into WRITER’s terms now.

As a writer we are Bound to our craft. We get so tied up in it that it leaves us helpless, whimpering, sometimes sobbing on the floor, but we are always anticipating what happens next…sometimes with trepidation, but always with a hint of delight.

It takes Discipline to keep up with the ideas in our minds and be the prolific authors we all desire and strive to be. We have to use every whip in our arsenal to motivate ourselves to sit in the chair and WRITE. Punishment and deprivation can sometimes be a powerful motivator.

We are Masochists…we write, polish, edit, submit, plot, and lose sleep over the stories that Dominate us and force us into Submission. And while we don’t love every moment of us, every painful reminder ignites the pleasure in our soul that makes us crave more. Inevitably, we come back to our Master and subject ourselves in hopes of a reward.

We are Sadists. We torture our characters, putting them in unbelievable situations with unbearable agony and guide them wounded and broken to the end of their stories. They are ours to create and care for…and we provide them with endless trials to bring them to the brink of their destinies.

quote-Janet-Fitch-the-writer-is-both-a-sadist-and-177763

My next post will focus on the use of the Dom/sub dynamic and how it can enhance your story by highlighting the power dynamics between your characters. If you have any questions or comments, please feel free to post them below. I look forward to hearing from you all.

Does my assessment of the BDSM for writer’s make sense? Or have I completely fallen off the train and am now going to be digging my belongings out of the dumpster?

Thanks for stopping by today.

❤ Jen.

BDSM: An Introduction

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Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not in the lifestyle, but I am fascinated by it and have friends who participate in various levels of the BDSM lifestyle. So before you think I’m all kinds of kinky, crazy…allow me to redirect your focus.

I won’t post pictures here. Nor will I go into explicit detail. There are sites for that, and you’re more than welcome to tempt the Google Image gods for those curiosities. *crosses self* Enter that domain at your own risk, what has been seen cannot be unseen.

That being said, be aware of the mountains of misinformation about the lifestyle floating around the internet. I will also not be discussing the-book-that-shall-not-be-named.

Great, now that’s out of the way, I can give you a basic introduction to BDSM.

220px-BDSM_acronym.svg

Image found on BDSM Wikipedia.

There’s your breakdown of the acronym. There are many subcultures that fall under the umbrella of BDSM. I myself have only touched the surface of understanding the dynamics and guidelines of the lifestyle.

Bondage and Discipline

Domination and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

Sounds like fun, right? Well, not for everyone. The fantastic thing I learned from the various people I’ve talked to who are in the lifestyle is you do what works for you. This isn’t about being tied up, beaten, tortured, teased, whipped, flogged, spanked, or humiliated. (Although those are all kinks…things that turn people on.) You do what works for you, when it works for you, how it works for you, and only with someone you trust.

Ahhhh, I’ve touched the keyword. In my mind and to most in the lifestyle, BDSM comes down to trust. How can I make myself vulnerable to someone and allow them to fulfill my fantasies if I don’t trust them? In my opinion, you can’t.

That’s where the basic “law of the land” for BDSM comes into play. Safety and consent. When a couple decides to enact a “scene” or “play” together, they have already discussed and agreed upon certain elements of the activity BEFORE they begin. They have come to an agreement prior to the event. Triggers, health issues/limitations, off-limit zones, turn on/offs, boundaries, and restrictions should be established, also, a safe word chosen.

Sounds like a lot of thought went into this, don’t you think? Yes, and this is as it should be.

So what does this have to do with writing? For me, a lot. Most of my stories have hints, fleeting elements of BDSM. I don’t dive into the lifestyle like some authors do…and kudos to them for taking on such a challenge. I’ve read some fascinating stories by some fantastic authors which allow the reader to glimpse into the true world of BDSM. And I freaking love it.

You can’t write something if you don’t do the research. <—-This is a law I live by.

My goal is to tie in these elements in a broad way to the relationships of my characters. The power dynamics, the attraction and the chemistry…they move my characters forward in not only their own personal growth but in their blossoming relationship. In my mind, it all comes back to that basic component of trust. Isn’t that what we strive for in our relationships?

Trust

I would like to touch on the power dynamics in my next post. What do you think? So now I’m super curious…What would you like to know about the BDSM lifestyle?

If you could care less, just keep scrolling. I won’t have hurt feelings, but please keep the comments engaging and pleasant. This is a discussion and an exploration. What two consenting adults decide to do in the privacy of their home is no one’s business. We’re not here to judge.

Thanks for stopping by.

❤ Jen