Writers: So You Think You Have Free Will…

Let’s just clear this up for a start:

FREE WILL IS A MYTH.

You need proof? Okay, no problem.

Hands up all of you who write. Okay, great. That’s the majority. The rest of you must be weird lurker types. Kudos to you — everyone needs a hobby.

To all of you who write, hands up everyone who loves to write. Perfect, again we have a majority. Why are you putting your hand up? You said you didn’t even write the first time. Put your hand down…

If the fact that you all put your hands up to a computer screen, despite the fact that I can’t even see you (or can I?), doesn’t prove that you have no free will, I have one more test.

TRY AND QUIT WRITING.

Go on. I dare you. I double dare you.

How long did that last? Five minutes? Ten?

Did you start to get the cold sweats? How about when you overheard that juicy snippet of conversation? Y’know, the one that made that old woman sound like a serial killer.

Did your fingers twitch at the sight of a pen or a keyboard?

Now repeat to yourself:

I AM A WRITER. I HAVE NO FREE WILL.

There. Don’t you all feel better already?

To a serious writer, writing is both a curse and a blessing. It’s a dear friend and a hated adversary. There’s nothing better than sitting down and composing a piece of prose from nothing more than a spark of an idea and an overactive imagination. Likewise, there’s nothing more frustrating than a story sitting just at the periphery of consciousness. A story that needs to be teased with a steady hand and infinite patience (yeah, right!).

We are lost inside our own minds, live in our own worlds, and we love every minute of it.

I can think of worse ways to be a slave to a higher power.