Let’s get one thing straight. I’m not in the lifestyle, but I am fascinated by it and have friends who participate in various levels of the BDSM lifestyle. So before you think I’m all kinds of kinky, crazy…allow me to redirect your focus.

I won’t post pictures here. Nor will I go into explicit detail. There are sites for that, and you’re more than welcome to tempt the Google Image gods for those curiosities. *crosses self* Enter that domain at your own risk, what has been seen cannot be unseen.

That being said, be aware of the mountains of misinformation about the lifestyle floating around the internet. I will also not be discussing the-book-that-shall-not-be-named.

Great, now that’s out of the way, I can give you a basic introduction to BDSM.

Image found on BDSM Wikipedia.

There’s your breakdown of the acronym. There are many subcultures that fall under the umbrella of BDSM. I myself have only touched the surface of understanding the dynamics and guidelines of the lifestyle.

Bondage and Discipline

Domination and Submission

Sadism and Masochism

Sounds like fun, right? Well, not for everyone. The fantastic thing I learned from the various people I’ve talked to who are in the lifestyle is you do what works for you. This isn’t about being tied up, beaten, tortured, teased, whipped, flogged, spanked, or humiliated. (Although those are all kinks…things that turn people on.) You do what works for you, when it works for you, how it works for you, and only with someone you trust.

Ahhhh, I’ve touched the keyword. In my mind and to most in the lifestyle, BDSM comes down to trust. How can I make myself vulnerable to someone and allow them to fulfill my fantasies if I don’t trust them? In my opinion, you can’t.

That’s where the basic “law of the land” for BDSM comes into play. Safety and consent. When a couple decides to enact a “scene” or “play” together, they have already discussed and agreed upon certain elements of the activity BEFORE they begin. They have come to an agreement prior to the event. Triggers, health issues/limitations, off-limit zones, turn on/offs, boundaries, and restrictions should be established, also, a safe word chosen.

Sounds like a lot of thought went into this, don’t you think? Yes, and this is as it should be.

So what does this have to do with writing? For me, a lot. Most of my stories have hints, fleeting elements of BDSM. I don’t dive into the lifestyle like some authors do…and kudos to them for taking on such a challenge. I’ve read some fascinating stories by some fantastic authors which allow the reader to glimpse into the true world of BDSM. And I freaking love it.

You can’t write something if you don’t do the research. <—-This is a law I live by.

My goal is to tie in these elements in a broad way to the relationships of my characters. The power dynamics, the attraction and the chemistry…they move my characters forward in not only their own personal growth but in their blossoming relationship. In my mind, it all comes back to that basic component of trust. Isn’t that what we strive for in our relationships?

Trust

I would like to touch on the power dynamics in my next post. What do you think? So now I’m super curious…What would you like to know about the BDSM lifestyle?

If you could care less, just keep scrolling. I won’t have hurt feelings, but please keep the comments engaging and pleasant. This is a discussion and an exploration. What two consenting adults decide to do in the privacy of their home is no one’s business. We’re not here to judge.

Thanks for stopping by.

❤ Jen